James Pike wrote that "A man needs self-acceptance or he can't live with himself; he needs self-criticism or others can't live with him." I believe this whole heartily but, you knew that was coming, I don't practice it. I have got to try to fix this problem. And yes, it is a problem. I have always thought if I could just lose (take your pick of numbers)pounds, everything would be perfect. If I just hadn't said (take your pick of things I've said) I wouldn't have sounded so smug, condescending, righteous..it goes on and on.
I don't know if it's my glorious age that is making me ponder such things, but today I was driving home from an appointment and I thought "That was the first time in my whole life that I was perfect!" I said what I wanted to say, I liked my outfit, my hair turned out great and I didn't miss a beat! Then that self doubt started to come out of hiding. "I didn't look that good." "I probably shouldn't have said that comment about liking to watch my neighbors watch tv." "My hair is flat!" OMG...I got to hold on to that perfect feeling for all of two minutes. What is wrong with me???
Easy answer would be "Plenty" but I'm not looking for that. I want to know why we don't accept ourselves. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we have such a hard time taking our value at face value. We are awesome beings. We do awesome things. I realize that there is a flip side to this. I know we do awful things too, but wouldn't it be wonderful if we could accept ourselves as our friends accept us? I've lost weight, I reached my goal weight. I felt good, but life didn't throw a red carpet under my feet and flowers didn't burst open with every step I took. I found something to dislike. My thighs still touched in this one spot. Ugh. I accept everything except.... oh the humanity! Don't get me wrong, I'm not promoting being overweight. I am promoting being able to accept yourself as you are right now and to embrace it and move on. ACCEPT YOURSELF!
You might lose that weight, you might get that thing you wanted, you might get that invitation you've been waiting for...but, you might not and you know what? Life keeps going. All the self loathing and self doubt didn't change it. The sun still rose and the phone still rings and babies are born.
What if, instead of wasting our time being upset with what is not perfect, we wasted our time being happy that we had the time? How different would things be if we just lived right now? "Look, there's the sun!" "I really nailed that exchange!" "I look good in this dress!" How would our lives change? Would they change?
Because I don't believe in putting your life in the hands of someone else, I believe you have to put your life in your own hands and I'm beginning to believe that my hands need to be gentler, more accepting. Some of you lucky ones, have no problem with this concept. Believe me, you are really lucky. I envy anyone that has this self acceptance. It's such a gift. But my hope springs eternal and I just am not willing to believe that this is it. I can do this. This is me and I'm not perfect but...I'll do!
Don't go changin' to try and please me
I love you just the way you are!
Peace out my little acceptors