pull him apart piece by piece

Try as I might to explain this one I don't know if I can do it... I'm going to go this way... This could be a teachable moment.  When you are a house guest there are a few things you might want to remember, keep in mind, make sure you practice.   Your goal should be...always be such a good guest that your return is never looked upon with dread...and by that, I mean by the host.

This past week we are playing B&B to Dupree as we'll call him.  You might recall that we did this back in Oct/Nov and that's how this guest earned the nickname "DuPree".  Here are a few basic rules to follow:

1.  Never remind your host of how good you are at cleaning up your dishes.  "See, I put my dishes in the sink and wiped up all around the counter.  I even took all of my beer cans and put them in a row!" 

2.  When you get up, never peak in the host bedroom and say..."Would you mind if I showered now instead of later...oh are you still sleeping?"

3.  When the host husband is grilling and it runs out of propane, do NOT tell the host wife "you should always keep a spare tank on hand like I do."  She might remind you that it might be better if you went back to your own grill...oh wait, you don't own a grill or a spare tank...your parents do!

4.  Never Never Never rub the wife host hair and say in baby talk..."I love your haiiiir.  It's soooo spikey!"

5.  When you eat a dinner that you have not paid for, cooked, or prepared, do not tell the chef that you make a salad like this but use "really great vegetables in your salad".

6.  Do not move your car behind the host car late at night.  You do not have say if they are going to run to the store to pick something up or drop something off at a friends.  Just don't do it! 

7. When you have monopolized 3 hours on the host computer...don't come into the room and say "Wow, your internet is so much slower than mine at home."  They might remind you that you don't own a home...again, that's your parents.

8.  If you smoke and the host don't... do NOT ask if it's okay if you smoke in the bedroom you are staying in.  It's not okay.  When they did smoke they never smoked in the bedrooms.  OMG

9. When you come out of the bathroom, never ask where the plunger is.

10.  And although this is going to be my last on the list, don't be fooled into thinking that this is all there is.  I am just getting so worked up that I have to stop... When your host are playing music during dinner never say "Hey, could you turn that off so we could turn on the tv and watch the game!" 

#$%#^&%&^%&#$^$%##$%  OMG